empowerment

Wounded Warriors⎈

“When we honor both our darkness, and our light, it puts a sort of shield around us. You are still soft as petals sisters, even when you embrace your fiercest warrior self.” - Sarah

“When we honor both our darkness, and our light, it puts a sort of shield around us. You are still soft as petals sisters, even when you embrace your fiercest warrior self.” - Sarah

by Sarah K. Grundy

“Give me a wounded warrior and I’m falling all over the floor,“ said my past self.

There’s been this conversation with myself lately. It starts like this, “Sarah, be fair to yourself, you held this man, and this man only, close to your heart for 7 years of your life.”

The road to forgiving myself feels heavy at times, and other times, like I’m a true warrior on a chariot with my sword full of flames as I burn the hope I had for this mystical bond. Hope lost stings hotter than the loss of the person. We’re all craving to see more humanity and when that dies in your most intimate connections, it’s painful.

The signs were always there - a fakeness, he would be more than willing to perpetuate - a woundedness he would steal to heal and the lack of ability to be vulnerable. But, we love. That’s just what we do, we love and they know. I wanted him to heal as much as I wanted me to heal. He knew that and used it as a gateway to take what was mine to give.

“Give me a wounded warrior and I’m falling all over the floor,“ said my past self.

I could go quietly and watch idly by as other women are violated in this same way. I could go quietly and not speak of what I know, as to not ruffle my soft petals with sharp blades.

I could go quietly.

I could lie to myself and say, I didn’t want him to prove to me he was different. “Show me that not every single last island man on the planet is like this - lies, cheats, steals from the divine, spreading it all over town, with no remorse on the horizon. Show me you are different than those other vampires.”

I could lie.

I could make excuses, or be afraid to call out that part for fear of sounding crazy. I could say, I did not defend him to myself, to close friends and family. I could say, I had lessons to learn, or some sort of left over wounds to heal, or maybe a soul journey to travel with this man.

I could make excuses.

But, the truth in my heart says, he worked very hard to win me over for his ego, for his jar of hearts, and he did. He entered as an impostor does, with lies.

The truth will set your heart free.

I could make myself feel better and say, “I was writing a book and so I wasn’t paying attention - maybe it was the drama feeding the romantic thriller that I liked. He had cancer, I was battling my health and my daughters, he would not put me, her, or himself at risk that way. I was island hopping, soul searching, focusing on myself, healing, raising twins, he’s healing his soul, he’s in training for his cycling…”

I could make myself feel better.

I could lie too.

Lying is not a special quality, like telling the truth is, but when the sun sets, and darkness shines its light on the moon, it’s just me with me to face. My vision has to get brighter. My eyes wider. My everything higher - even amidst a deeply transformative healing phase, when things just move a little slower.

Elevate. Never. To. Be. Lowered. Again.

“Do not give me a wounded warrior who will steal my might to heal his battle cries. I’m not here to fall all over the floor,“ says my present self.

**disclosure: I’m a romantic, a fiction writer and a deeply feeling dramatic, writing from the heart, but Broken is not Bad. Meanwhile neither is Truth and being broken does not give anyone a pass to violate others. No matter what the truth looks like - it gives us all wings and sets our hearts free. We are all Wounded and Healing together. Not everyone will take advantage of that love and that process, but more than we may think will try.

Love one another.

Listen to your heart, but also that beating instinct deep within.

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Image and Text COPYRIGHT ©August 2019 MAZEYLOTUS

𓂀Brought back to shore𓂀

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by Sarah K. Grundy

When living on islands you are surrounded by a pure and magical protection that radiates off of the sea. It seems to snuggle you in its wings and waves and fix your crown.

Being back on dry land this year, the difference is astounding and undeniable. I thought for a moment, why don’t I just go back to sea? It’s there waiting for me. Then, I remembered, what about those who can’t.

Here I am, with you, “in it”, and not going anywhere, craving that island magic, just like you. And being “in it”, has me thinking…

It feels off hearing so much about being empowered enough to block those who try to rise against us, or offend our energies in some way, from our social media and virtual networks, as if that is more powerful than the energy that connects us.

Energy knows no bounds. Everything is energy. Energy is everything.

It feels important to learn the real deal, deep down in the dirt and clouds, powers of protection, the universe has gifted us all. Harnessing those beautiful energies filled with the wonders of darkness and light, oozing with the deliciousness of the divine - feminine and masculine, and shielding ourselves, and the ones we love with it.

If you are on an island, surrounded by the majestic sea waters, if you did not know already, you are protected. If not, those with lower vibrations who do not honor boundaries, truth, or respect the laws of nature are around us and as we grow more powerful, sadly you may find yourself under attack, so to speak. It may also be a matter of shielding yourself from controlling people, certain thoughts, or even haunting memories that just aren’t serving you, or aren’t great for your beautiful evolving self right now.

Learning those innate powers of protection are a thing of great natural beauty. I believe deeply that we are above all magical beings, and our human beings are a house for that to flourish, or not. It is up to us to decide. Just as it is up to us to heal in our own way on our own time.

Here are a few ways I like to grow my wings and train them to protect myself and my loved ones:

Mantras, simple chants that are all your own are pure love in delivering the powers of protection. If you sit with yourself, they will come to you. This morning these helped me. I often say the mantras with both, “me” and “we” to include those I love.

I am protected by the powers of darkness and light. My wings surround me.

I am shielded. I am safe. I am protected by the universe. May the magic of my heart surround us, as the sacred fire shields us.

These loving words, while visualizing the actions, and my highest self really seemed to have a ripple effect.

Rituals, candles of black, pink, green, white and blue, burning sacred smoke like palo santo or sage, botanical oils, gems from all around the world like sea shells, rock formations + sediments from the ocean /near the oceans / in the sands, amethyst, lapis, atlantisite, larimar, rose quartz, quartz, pink amethyst, K2, black tourmaline, pink tourmaline, blood stone, amazonite, red aragonite, Auralite (auralite 23 and emerald auralite), emerald, lemurian seed, calcite, aragonite, raw citrine (not heat treated), top secret ones and others are potent teachers of protection. The gems that call to you are the ones you need.

Listen to your heart, always, despite what I say in my romantic thriller novel. It is fiction after all.

Movement married with breath, dance, allow breath to take you, sun salutations, and moving from your heart are powerful tools of magic.

Don’t let anyone tell you how to move, how to breathe, or how to heal. These have been some of the powerful tools for me as I begin creating a more bountiful, protective energy field around me full of love, gorgeous dark, bright light, wings of grace and sacred fire.

Don’t let anyone tell you how it works best for you, not this blog, not anything, or anyone! You are your own guru, your own psychic, your own teacher, your own shaman. Work in unison with others, vibrate together, “listen” to one another, love one another, but do not give your power away to anyone, or dim your light, or fires.

It serves none.

You are the only one who “knows.” It is within you. There is a magic within you and there lives your healing, your destiny and your contribution.

Cheers to Sovereignty.

Listen to your heart and fuck everything else.

I love you.

Image and Text COPYRIGHT ©August 2019 MAZEYLOTUS

The Feminine

Les Demoiselles d'Avignon 

Paris June - July, 1907

Pablo Picasso.

by Sarah K. Grundy

10/2018

The feminine has enraptured and enraged from the beginning of time. “The birth of Venus” by Botticelli, “La Fornarina,” by Raphael and Modigliani’s “Nu couche,” which sold for $170M recently permeate every culture; Yet not long ago women were given citations for wearing bikinis, could be arrested for having their nipples exposed and historical works of Gustav Klimt (among many others) have been destroyed because they included female nudity. It certainly made an impact for Lady Godiva, Countess of Mercia.

In many ways, 500 year old America seems to need raising to reach the maturity of 45,000 year old Europe, for example, and hiding won’t help matters. 

They are subtle some of the oppressions we allow because it feels normal, but the ripple effect is not.

Image and Text COPYRIGHT © October 2018 MAZEYLOTUS

For the Ones Who want to have it All

Image: shot and edited by Mazeylotus

Image: shot and edited by Mazeylotus

by Sarah K. Grundy

Motherhood. I wish this was a parody, or narrative to the underlying meaning of a splendid, abstract art exhibit, but it's an autobiography and I'm not alone.

 I think women are lying when they say they wouldn't change anything if they had it to do all over again knowing what they know now. Of course we would and we'd do it way smarter ten times over and over if those chances existed. I don't believe we only get this one life. I have been here before and so have my children. Flesh just seems to help spirit manifest and keeps on going with, or without us. 

So, let's not pretend for the kid's sake, or to protect our precious ego or reputation. Let's instead get real and deeply honest. 

It makes my ass twitch when people far too attached and delusional say things like, "but if you went back and did it all again knowing what you know now, you wouldn't have x, y, or z."

No, I would not. 

I was that sister and friend talking people out of parenthood after I saw. Naturally, they ignored me as the call of the wild persists like a she-wolf after her prey.

When I say, “The world changed colors after bringing life,” that's literally what happened to me. I looked out the window and it was like I just woke up on a different planet. 

I saw. 

I saw and heard things I never knew existed before, but they were always there and isn’t there something terrifying about that reality? 

I saw. 

I saw the world for what it truly is and that's not child and family conducive most days, and in most ways, as I thought in my innocence. The world has changed from what it once was, but it's also not ‘the village’ they say it takes to raise a child anyway, your babies will want and cry for you.

Just you.

Daddy won't make the cut or the nanny. Neither of them smells like you, or have their milk in their breasts, or the heartbeat and vibe they knew for practically a year in your womb. 

It's you.

Just you. 

There will be no novel writing while they nap. No! So stop it.

You'll be laid out drooling, begging for sleep, or mercy until they wake you again. 

Even decades after they stop waking you up, your body will still be waiting for it to happen again like an old war wound from combat days and sleep will remain an elusive memory. 

Mine are teenagers. It's 2:30 AM as I write this wired from being needed to death for well over a decade. And I had help. Lots of help. That's a story for another time. 

My body knows sleeplessness, navigating emotions and deprivation on a soldier level. I had to learn how to train my circadian rhythm under highly undesirable circumstances in order to keep up with that 'having it all' lie, masquerade and charade. 

Lies. 

When you can sleep again, you'll stay up just to get time to yourself, and a glimpse of your self, your life, at whatever cost. 

That cost being delirium. 

It's not sexy.

It's not humorous.

It's serious like a heart attack and you will beg for death, but instead will get eternity. 

It's not like the movies; That fun satire, the rush of busy living and chasing the dream with your fancy stroller, heels and bouncing, gorgeous hair. No! 

There's diarrhea on your fancy stroller, crusty breast milk in your hair, and your feet are too swollen for your Jimmy Choos. 

Plus, you don't care because you're too fucking tired to do anything about it.

Don't trick yourself into believing it will be different for you. 

I did.

I was wrong. 

It's a horror show. 

Stop smelling peoples ugly, fat babies, watching those stupid commercials, reading the intoxicating magazines, and get real.

Don't engage in the seduction. 

Fight back against nature!

You wouldn't lay down and die in a tornado, would you? 

No! You evacuate. 

I saw. 

I saw what it took to raise magical humans in the current world and keep them that way.

Pure magic doesn't quite exist the same way now that your endless nights of pot smoking, gourmet meals laced with enchanted mushrooms, vintage wine drinking, fancy restaurants, diva dancing and mingling with intellectuals have come to an end.

No!

It's principals from the murky black lagoon and parent-teacher meetings with women who don't even like you at all who will be talking about you behind your back. 

It's endless years of snotty tissues and vomit is in your favorite Hermes purse that took you 8 years to buy. 

We can't fathom that while we're filled with a calling to create that dates back lifetimes, filled with love, hopes and dreams yet to be smashed to bits by motherhood and adult-onset ADD, which arrives just when you think it's almost over.

Plus, it will be different for you, right?

No!

It was a very small window of opportunity that made me a mother and it nearly did not happen at all, because I almost saw too much, before the children had the chance to get here through me. (All of them would have made it here with, or without me. They are powerful with a destiny about them!) 

They won.

I don't feel I was really made to be a mother. I mean let's keep it real, I love taking care of myself, privacy, adventure and having alone time way too much to be needed as much as you are as a mom. Don't you?

Freedom was my most cherished possession. 

The thing about motherhood is even when they're not there, they are and so that bond takes over if you let it. 

I saw. 

I saw what the world was capable of committing and who I'd have to become to protect them from it, and eventually who they would need to become to live as part of it. 

I saw. 

I saw overpopulation. The earth needs fewer children and more warriors right now. Better would have been getting a big scary guard dog, working out A LOT while learning self-defense and a few yogi superpowers to flip this crazy world right side up again.

What a fucking train wreck. How did we get here? Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

I saw. 

I saw that it was a selfish choice. The children without homes, the adults who've never known love and the amount of mothering this world needs on a grand scale weren't clear yet and had I known I would have been able to be more of service and chosen differently. 

I saw. 

I saw that it's either you have children, and that becomes your service, your mission, or you make a monumental shift in our beautifully handicapped world by fostering and mothering it, delivering a new creation to it, but not both. 

That's what we think before having kids. 'I can so totally do it all.' 

No, we can not. 

That is a lie. 

You will not like the end of that story. 

It will come heavily medicated. 

Do not let them tell you that lie. 

Do not tell yourself that lie. 

But, you will and you'll think I'm crazy, or that it will be different for you. 

Until it's not. 

So, yes, had I known then what I know now, I would do it all over again and thoroughly different. 

Would you? 

Advocate for speaking my fucking truth, raising warrior women, making the impossible possible and not glorifying it.

M xx

Image and Text COPYRIGHT © October 2018 MAZEYLOTUS

Lotus𓆸

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by Sarah K. Grundy

It's not like it seems in the fog. There's an entire horizon that was hiding behind the blur, the mask, the lies, the ego, the inflated realities.

To be where the divine lives that's where we can see.

We're never alone, not even in the isolation periods when we're exploring, discovering and finding our path. Traveling through time and space.

Wandering the past and uniting with the you of the future.

Mending beyond a cellular level that which was torn away and delivering it into the light. Connecting and trusting the unfolding, the becoming.

Welcoming the abundance.

Move like nature moves amidst the change.

Blossom.

Image and Text COPYRIGHT © August 2017 MAZEYLOTUS

Silence

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by Sarah K. Grundy

Nurture your relationship with Silence. 

It was here before anything else. 

It encompasses everything else.

It came Before Sound. 

It Takes you directly to your center.

Silence Links our soul with the cosmos.

We gain ourselves in Silence. 

Without it we are lost.

Here we find re-creation.

Everything comes alive again with Silence.

It Brings brand newness. 

Don't bury this secret in the noise. 

Return to Silence🕊

Image and Text COPYRIGHT © May 2016 MAZEYLOTUS

Klimt and Primal Instinct

Gustav Klimt Sea Serpents V

by Sarah K. Grundy

Gustav Klimt made a mark on creation. Klimt saw a "viscous void," during a time, which had him condemned for it, although Freud and Jung saw it too. All three of them are adored in this century for their liberating vision, but were abhored in their own.

In 1907 Klimt spoke of an “ideal community of those who create and those who enjoy,” and expressed regrets that “public life was predominantly preoccupied with economic and political matters.” Have we come very far from this 100 years later?

I revel, marvel in the beauty of woman and her intricate, marvelous design. Klimt took solace in this immaculate power, which radiates from woman.

The subtle, soft, curves carved like the waves of the sea with strength and insistence, fight and ferociousness, wonder and vastness. She creates, shines, battles consistent forms of darkness hovering over head trying to pounce, while she protects.

Klimt saw the close knit kinship between women, their humble, and yet tigress nature, their demure, yet lioness demeanor and how they bond together to form a unity unbreakable by the outside world.

Sexual creatures of the sea, sun and sand, salting the earth with their tears of joy and compassion, feeling and metamorphosing the earth's pain into pleasure from the divine. She delivers and carries, transforms and transmutes.

Image and Text COPYRIGHT © December 2013 MAZEYLOTUS